I leave tomorrow night. I'm ready: having this week of oh-it's-too-late-to-start-a-new-treatment-with-those-kids and where the kids aren't here to snuggle on all night long has been a good transition. It would've been tough to spend every night cuddling and blowing kisses and then go immediately to a hotel room with just, well, me. I still love the children, but I know I've sort of drawn apart from them this week by making sure I more frequently doted on the kids who hadn't really caught my heart. So, I think I'll be okay when I leave, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to try to help sponsor either R. or J. Probably R. because J. seems to steal everyone else's heart too, even though mine is wrapped around him :)
I'm still in love with India. It's a beautiful love affair, not unlike the stylized over-acting on the Telugu soap operas we watched during lunch today. India loves me, and I love India. And, simultaneously, India exasperates me, and I kind of want to give her a shove back sometimes. Like the soap operas, there is always the cliffhanger, making me wonder what could possibly be next. Hopefully there's a happy ending, and also hopefully, it's not for awhile.
Perhaps I can better depict this with some events of today:
love. I can play with any child on the streets and just be this crazy, awesome white girl who has a camera. Like I love to practice my Hindi with anyone, the children are so excited to say "What is your name?" even if the older brother or sister has already had that question answered.
worthy of the stinkeye. While trying to catch an autorickshaw today, I noticed 3 young men on a motorcycle, all obviously looking at me while they drove by. I kept walking, they slowed down until I passed them, and then they drove passed me again, more discreetly checking me out this time. Then I kept walking and they drove past again. My sister is fond of a quote from Beverly Clearly's Ramona Quimby books: First time it's hillarious, second time it's funny, third time it's a spanking, RAMONA!" My feelings precisely, but they didn't get to see my evil "ha, I won" laugh as an auto that wasn't overflowing finally stopped.
love. saris. punjabis/salwar kameez. chunnis. beautiful waves of fabric blowing in the wind. elegant and detailed "everyday" wear that is the equivalent of my wedding-guest attire.
frustration. mastering stairs in said sari. American calves don't work so well with punjabi pants. the inability to keep the chunni from 1) blowing in the face of everyone you walk past or 2) choking me or 3) being forgotten (because there's no way I'd wear it inside) until I'm halfway to my destination.
love. The sun. the heat.
longing. a swimming pool.
love. the spicy food. the fresh fruit. the women's gorgeous long black hair, and the children's black curls. the dark, young, un-mustached men ;P the openness to friendship and generosity.
alternatively, my stomach occasionally regrets the spicy food. the fruit leads to ants galore. I found my first louse in my hair today (treated myself to chocolate and had a pity party). the mustaches. the lack of privacy.
So, all in all, the things I dislike aren't HUGE, but they are there, and I'm not ignoring their presence. However, I definitely am taking notes on architectural desires and even looked up apartment costs last night (in the city, not here in Ongole). Almost one month in, and this relationship between me and India is still going, and I'm pretty sure it's for the long run.
So, for those of you who have invested in this trip, thank you. I could've done a short-term trip to anywhere, even just staying in Missouri, this summer. But because of you and everything that God had aligned, I'm proud (and a little relieved) to tell you that your investment was worth it, and that I am very much looking forward to a future in this nation. I don't know if I'll be back within the year or in five years, but I can't wait to start life here. Inshallah :)
In the meantime, here I go to the rest of this beautiful culture, to experience more that He has in store. And to work on that hindi.
I'm still in love with India. It's a beautiful love affair, not unlike the stylized over-acting on the Telugu soap operas we watched during lunch today. India loves me, and I love India. And, simultaneously, India exasperates me, and I kind of want to give her a shove back sometimes. Like the soap operas, there is always the cliffhanger, making me wonder what could possibly be next. Hopefully there's a happy ending, and also hopefully, it's not for awhile.
Perhaps I can better depict this with some events of today:
love. I can play with any child on the streets and just be this crazy, awesome white girl who has a camera. Like I love to practice my Hindi with anyone, the children are so excited to say "What is your name?" even if the older brother or sister has already had that question answered.
worthy of the stinkeye. While trying to catch an autorickshaw today, I noticed 3 young men on a motorcycle, all obviously looking at me while they drove by. I kept walking, they slowed down until I passed them, and then they drove passed me again, more discreetly checking me out this time. Then I kept walking and they drove past again. My sister is fond of a quote from Beverly Clearly's Ramona Quimby books: First time it's hillarious, second time it's funny, third time it's a spanking, RAMONA!" My feelings precisely, but they didn't get to see my evil "ha, I won" laugh as an auto that wasn't overflowing finally stopped.
love. saris. punjabis/salwar kameez. chunnis. beautiful waves of fabric blowing in the wind. elegant and detailed "everyday" wear that is the equivalent of my wedding-guest attire.
frustration. mastering stairs in said sari. American calves don't work so well with punjabi pants. the inability to keep the chunni from 1) blowing in the face of everyone you walk past or 2) choking me or 3) being forgotten (because there's no way I'd wear it inside) until I'm halfway to my destination.
love. The sun. the heat.
longing. a swimming pool.
love. the spicy food. the fresh fruit. the women's gorgeous long black hair, and the children's black curls. the dark, young, un-mustached men ;P the openness to friendship and generosity.
alternatively, my stomach occasionally regrets the spicy food. the fruit leads to ants galore. I found my first louse in my hair today (treated myself to chocolate and had a pity party). the mustaches. the lack of privacy.
So, all in all, the things I dislike aren't HUGE, but they are there, and I'm not ignoring their presence. However, I definitely am taking notes on architectural desires and even looked up apartment costs last night (in the city, not here in Ongole). Almost one month in, and this relationship between me and India is still going, and I'm pretty sure it's for the long run.
So, for those of you who have invested in this trip, thank you. I could've done a short-term trip to anywhere, even just staying in Missouri, this summer. But because of you and everything that God had aligned, I'm proud (and a little relieved) to tell you that your investment was worth it, and that I am very much looking forward to a future in this nation. I don't know if I'll be back within the year or in five years, but I can't wait to start life here. Inshallah :)
In the meantime, here I go to the rest of this beautiful culture, to experience more that He has in store. And to work on that hindi.
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