In less than five months I will be surrounded by precious children with brown skin and big hearts. My heart is doing cartwheels.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
This Journey's Background
I remember how in high school Mizzou was the one place I didn't want to go. I'd been there twice for school events and just didn't enjoy the atmosphere. Guess where God put me?
Yep. Mizzou.
Turns out that was a blessing. I was able to live for two years with a group of awesome girls in a Christian dormitory, become involved with international students, and make so many relationships that have encouraged growth in my spiritual walk.
My time at Mizzou has been good: God miraculously gave me a job tutoring English to Korean children. He's given me roommates--now a "sister" and extra set of parents--from Afghanistan. I have friends from places like Kazakhstan to Thailand, Spain to Taiwan. I can look through my phone contacts and approximately 1/3 are international. It's nearing time to move on.
Awhile back, I knew that if I were to go overseas, it would be to work with children. And I didn't know, but looking back, I know that it's always been India. Something about the colors, the music, the culture, the architecture and history, (the fact that they speak English!), the beauty of the people--it was like a magnet to me. I have sketchbooks of rooms designed with the silks, beads, embroidery, and architectural patterns of that foreign land. I was maybe eleven or twelve when these sketches began. But, even in my freshman year of college, I was not entirely ready to submit to that being my entire future.
Since the age of ten, I've wanted to adopt children. I don't really know why God put that in my heart at such a young age, but I love that it's there. However, this was where my heart in going overseas faltered. I could not fathom the idea of pulling my kids out of an orphanage or off the streets and then returning with them to the orphanage where I would work or, possibly, live. That was where I couldn't submit to the thought of going overseas full-time. I wanted that "suburban-family" lifestyle for my future children. I wanted to provide them with everything, give them all the opportunities that they wouldn't have had otherwise.
Then, sometime in the past year, that changed. This intense desire to BE in India has filled me, along with a greater love for those who don't know Him. And I finally--finally--began to actually share God's word and have those spiritual conversations (which before seemed so scary) with those who don't know Him. My prayer life deepened. I grew. And I know I'm going.
As for my doubts, well, I don't know how rich or poor I'll be tomorrow after I pay my rent or in a few years when I live there.
I don't know if God will choose to give me a husband and allow me to adopt children or if I will have a foster home stuffed full with children who will probably never be able to visit my hometown due to their lack of passports or even birth certificates.
I don't know if I'll be able to support myself as a therapist or if Mom & Dad will get to help out with my buying groceries once in awhile.
I don't know if I'll ever learn the languages or dialects properly or be the constant source of humor for broken phrases and incorrect words.
I don't know that I'll ever have THAT conversation that is the tipping point of someone coming to know the Truth.
I don't know if I'll be what my grandma would consider "safe."
I don't know if I'll be wearing saris forever or if God will move me elsewhere after awhile.
My list could be endless, but I trust that God will take care of me. I remember Jeremiah 29:11, among so many other verses.
And I prepare. Because finally, it's nearing time to go.
I am submitting applications to orphanages and medical organizations. This time will only be for a summer, and then I'll come back to finish my final year of my Master's degree, after which I'll hopefully return.
I have yet to set foot in India, but my heart is there, in a place I've never been, and it feels like home.
Yep. Mizzou.
Turns out that was a blessing. I was able to live for two years with a group of awesome girls in a Christian dormitory, become involved with international students, and make so many relationships that have encouraged growth in my spiritual walk.
My time at Mizzou has been good: God miraculously gave me a job tutoring English to Korean children. He's given me roommates--now a "sister" and extra set of parents--from Afghanistan. I have friends from places like Kazakhstan to Thailand, Spain to Taiwan. I can look through my phone contacts and approximately 1/3 are international. It's nearing time to move on.
Awhile back, I knew that if I were to go overseas, it would be to work with children. And I didn't know, but looking back, I know that it's always been India. Something about the colors, the music, the culture, the architecture and history, (the fact that they speak English!), the beauty of the people--it was like a magnet to me. I have sketchbooks of rooms designed with the silks, beads, embroidery, and architectural patterns of that foreign land. I was maybe eleven or twelve when these sketches began. But, even in my freshman year of college, I was not entirely ready to submit to that being my entire future.
Since the age of ten, I've wanted to adopt children. I don't really know why God put that in my heart at such a young age, but I love that it's there. However, this was where my heart in going overseas faltered. I could not fathom the idea of pulling my kids out of an orphanage or off the streets and then returning with them to the orphanage where I would work or, possibly, live. That was where I couldn't submit to the thought of going overseas full-time. I wanted that "suburban-family" lifestyle for my future children. I wanted to provide them with everything, give them all the opportunities that they wouldn't have had otherwise.
Then, sometime in the past year, that changed. This intense desire to BE in India has filled me, along with a greater love for those who don't know Him. And I finally--finally--began to actually share God's word and have those spiritual conversations (which before seemed so scary) with those who don't know Him. My prayer life deepened. I grew. And I know I'm going.
As for my doubts, well, I don't know how rich or poor I'll be tomorrow after I pay my rent or in a few years when I live there.
I don't know if God will choose to give me a husband and allow me to adopt children or if I will have a foster home stuffed full with children who will probably never be able to visit my hometown due to their lack of passports or even birth certificates.
I don't know if I'll be able to support myself as a therapist or if Mom & Dad will get to help out with my buying groceries once in awhile.
I don't know if I'll ever learn the languages or dialects properly or be the constant source of humor for broken phrases and incorrect words.
I don't know that I'll ever have THAT conversation that is the tipping point of someone coming to know the Truth.
I don't know if I'll be what my grandma would consider "safe."
I don't know if I'll be wearing saris forever or if God will move me elsewhere after awhile.
My list could be endless, but I trust that God will take care of me. I remember Jeremiah 29:11, among so many other verses.
And I prepare. Because finally, it's nearing time to go.
I am submitting applications to orphanages and medical organizations. This time will only be for a summer, and then I'll come back to finish my final year of my Master's degree, after which I'll hopefully return.
I have yet to set foot in India, but my heart is there, in a place I've never been, and it feels like home.
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