What to Expect from Us (and anyone who is adopting)

We are so grateful for the prayers, the questions, the interest, the encouragement, and the emotional support (ok, this one is for me only) from our friends and family about our adoption.  For the past 3 years, I've been constantly talking about our future kids and adoption process.  Thank you for bearing with us and continuing to be interested, encouraging, & prayerful!  

I know this is a bit long, but I'd really appreciate if you read the following to help understand why we do and don't share information about our child(ren) once we know who they are & once they are home.

Special Needs

As you know by now, we have applied for kids with special needs.  Some children have physical needs that are quite obvious (i.e. limb deformities, cleft palate, visual impairments).  If our child has a need like this, we won't hide it.  But we also won't introduce our child to you by saying "this is our daughter, ____, who has a ____ impairment/syndrome."  Our child will be introduced first and foremost as the new, exciting, most adorable member of our family.  We ask that you be patient over learning that information and in the meantime, just celebrate our parenthood and new member(s) of the family.   Over time, you'll come to know about any physical differences, and we will be happy to answer your questions about how our child may need to do things differently.  

Other children have needs that are not as noticeable to the naked eye (i.e. heart conditions, GI issues, HIV+).  If this is the case, we will share our child's less-noticeable needs with you if we want you to know or if you are our medical professional.  But we won't share about these needs if we don't think you need to know.  Not all of you will like that, but I ask that you please respect our child's privacy--and this includes not going to our parents and asking them questions.  We may be "too secretive" for some of our American friends and family, but please keep in mind we are dealing with TWO cultures, and America and India perceive special needs very, very differently from each other.  "Politically correct terminology" is 100% not a thing in India, and we want our children to be raised with a positive self-image so there's a good chance the information may be given to almost no one.  Please don't feel bad if you're not included in the select few. 

Our Child's History

Children in India are available for adoption for various reasons.  Some are abandoned in trash cans, some are strategically placed in parks where people are likely to find them, some are surrendered at a hospital or orphanage or police station by loving parents who feel forced to make a difficult decision.  Some biological mothers have been raped; some are single mothers with the pressures of their relatives to be child-free and therefore "suitable for marriage;" some have been given an ultimatum to be disowned from their husbands & other children or abandon their newborn; some have done their best to care for the child's special needs for multiple years and have finally felt despair that they are unable to financially and/or medically meet these needs; some have passed away and have no relatives to care for the child.

I really want you to know that not every child available for adoption is unloved or unwanted by their first family.  Some are loved so fiercely by their biological families, but circumstances did not allow them to remain together (which is why it's so important to provide these families and parents support in the first place and not only support the institutions where they entrust their children.)

We plan to adopt multiple children, and not every one of them will have the same story.  Their adoption stories will remain private, as it is theirs and theirs alone.  When they are older, they can choose to share their stories if they so desire.  I ask that you please respect that.  

BUT if you have children who are asking about how we suddenly have children if they weren't "in my tummy," it's okay to let them ask their questions.  Parents go about this in many, many ways, and there are many children's books on adoption that help answer this.  Some books explain it in ways I like, and some in ways that don't gel with me at all.  If you don't want to do the research and buy one or 20 of these books, a simple answer is "______ had a mommy and daddy who were not able to take care of (her/him), so Marla and Liban are now ______'s forever mommy and daddy.  They love ______ sooooooo much and are very happy ______ is their little (girl/boy)."

Again, I thank you all for taking this journey with us and for reading the above.  We are so excited to learn who our little one(s) will be and bring them home!