Changes and Reflections

This week last year, I was attending my Master's graduation ceremony at Mizzou, finishing up my last internship, studying for my OT board exam, and online job searching in about twenty different states. I was in the final stages of a relationship that was doomed before it began, I was planning on visiting India for 3 weeks after a nannying stint in Ethiopia, and I was surviving life as a fairly poor grad student who made a whopping total of $400 in 2013.  I felt young but excited and ready to try on the shoes of adulthood.

At my graduation dinner my grandma suggested I stay in India longer, since it was where my heart was. I thought she was nuts.  Who was this woman?  I told my mom she was nuts, too--I had very little spare money and not getting a job and hefty salary seemed stupid.  But, about a week later my heart and mind had changed and I realized God was transforming her as well as speaking through her.  So, I planned to come to India and stay for a year. BUT my parents weren't really expecting me to go back to America to stay, and I wasn't either.  Looking back, absolutely none of us knew what would happen in my life. So here's a nice long summary of reflections on all this--personal changes as well as changes with my girls at the very end:

Bekah (middle). I think  her wedding prediction was
just because she wanted to wear a fancy saree.

Love life:  The relationship that needed to stop was ended before I left America.  Obviously, we had a choice in the matter, but God did everything, I know.  I knew my heart was in a position that I probably wouldn't be able to date for 2-3 (or many more) years, and especially when I began planning to stay in Ongole longer, I KNEW there was no chance of that happening:  I laughed and said that the only way I'd probably live again in America would be if I fell and love and got married.  Then God intervened, and started to show me in September that there was someone who I respected deeply and could be pretty darn compatible with. I laughed again and told my mom that, yeah, if I ever were to date someone while living in Ongole, it would be him, but that obviously wasn't ever going to happen.  Fast forward to January, we began dating, pretty aware that this was the real deal.  Fast forward to now, his family is meeting mine in 3 days, and marriage-y things are in the works.  I love him, I thank God for him, and I am greatly looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him.  I would end this with a comment like "who could have seen this coming?!" but my best friend, Bekah (pictured above), told me I was going to marry him the first time she heard he existed, even though we were entirely platonic friends. I'm never going to live down laughing and saying "no way, Bekah!" :)

Finances:  I left for Africa/India before selling my car, without fundraising, trusting that God would provide.  And He has.  I didn't get my $50+k job I "deserve" as an OT, and yes, having no school debt helps, BUT I firmly believe God has just provided.  My parents bought my car from me as theirs came with tragic novels, and I've been able to use that money for my rent, living expenses, personal travels, and various things for my girls.  Being a wise steward of money is very important to me, and I kept ridiculous track of my spending for the first couple of months.  But then I started to realize that, at this time in my life, I didn't need to: God will provide, and if I continue spending wisely and prayerfully, there is always going to be more than enough.  It's held true. Realistically, with the money I came with and my expenses, I should have not been able to spend much on my girls.  I should be nearly broke by now.  Not "oh, I have a couple thousand left" broke, but really, truly "I have about $100 in my bank account in case anything goes wrong on my way back to America" broke.  But that's not the case.  Given, I haven't gone and bought whole new wardrobes for my children; I haven't taken them out to eat once a week; BUT all of their physical needs are met, most of their physical wants are met, and we do plenty of fun activities with what we have. AND when I go back to Missouri, I'll be able to buy my good, reliable car back from my parents without a rush.

Career:  I am a registered and licensed occupational therapist who has about 3 months of actual, real, OT experience--not exactly where I thought I would be on my career path.  However, by the time I leave, I will have 7 months' experience of parenting children with special needs.  THAT is pretty darn invaluable to have as an OT.  I have insight into the parenting and caregiving world that many of my classmates will not grasp.  This has been a very challenging year and at times has been frustrating because I don't feel like an actual "OT," but I am greatly blessed to have this insight for my future career.  I will have to work at getting back into OT-mode when I return to Springfield, but that's okay, and I look forward to entering the medical world again.

Parenting, in general:  To sum up my time as a parent in a sentence:  I've learned a lot about how God loves me, how God/love always perseveres, and, at times, how annoyed and exasperated God must be with me when I'm stubborn in my ways.  I have gone through the challenges of learning to be available whenever (even though there are times each day--and one day each week--during which I refer the children to their ayahs, because their ayahs are there and can put someone in time out just as well as I can).  I have learned to advocate for my children--for their best interests, for their medical treatments, for their safety and developmental growth.  I have learned how to love a child unconditionally, and I have learned that (especially with so many kids) there are some children that it is really, really hard to bond with, and that that's okay--it happens over time, and it can't be forced.  I've learned a lot of what not to do by doing, and I've learned a lot of what to do by doing. I've learned it is IMPOSSIBLE to shower without someone "urgently" needing their mama, that sitting down to eat a meal in one setting is not a real thing, and that over the next couple of years, I am going to soak up every morning I get to wake up via alarm rather than a toddler jumping on me, yelling in my face, or throwing a book at my pillow. I could probably also do another paragraph about parenting teens, but if you've had teenagers, you understand and don't need details.  For everyone else who will experience parenting teenagers, I'm sorry. And good luck :)

Parenting, fostering:  I was open to the idea of fostering when I agreed to come to SCH for round two.  It wasn't something I was particularly desiring, but I was open to it.  For "real life" though, I never considered fostering. I have always wanted to adopt a lot of children--but I didn't see how I could ever bring a child into my home and possibly have them leave.  I didn't see how my future adopted children could understand that they, too, wouldn't just have to pack up and go away at a moment's notice--or how I could love my foster children like I loved my adopted children.  Things have changed. Fostering is not easy, and it's really hard to be a foster mom to children who have already had a foster mom and have learned to expect/desire her way of doing things.  BUT it is good, and I've seen how even a short season of fostering brings positive changes into kids' lives.  My guy and I are open to the idea of bringing children into our home and loving them regardless of how long they get to stay.  I cannot predict the future, but I think we are expecting to foster long after we've passed the age limits for adoption.

Parenting, adoption: My baby girl, Angel, has her fourth birthday today.  I know the family who is pursuing her in adoption, I know I may not be her forever mummy one day, but I also know I love her with every ounce of my being.  I know that no matter what happens--whether adopted or always living at SCH, whether we ever get to meet again after saying goodbye in June--that she is my baby girl.  I have whispered promises in her ear to come after her if she is still around when we are eligible to adopt, to be there for her no matter where in the world she is, to love her no matter what, to pray for her regardless of when I last see her.  She is mine, and I am committed to being her Marla Mummy, or big sister, or fun aunt, or the person in all her pictures from age 3-4, or whatever I get to be; I am committed to her, as long as I'm here on earth.  And THAT is what I believe adoption is. It is what adoption has become to me after my time here, and I am of the mindset that legal adoption is a formality that allows quite a few more tangible blessings.  If my Angel gets another woman in her life who loves her just as much, it will be a joyful, yet bittersweet day to learn that, but at least she will grow up to know that there are two women in her life that would do anything for her.


And now the family update: 

I don't want to go into specifics, but things were really rough during March and April.  I'm not dwelling on it because it's over, and I praise God for that. Long story short, things have changed quite a bit.  I now have three children living in Hyderabad to improve their English skills and attend music classes; so that takes me from 22 to 19 children.

And two days ago, my Grace Purple girls (Paula, Stephanie, Naomi, Heidi, Angel, and Chelsea) and I moved to Faith Home and are now dubbed "Faith Orange."  It's an AMAZING change. The apartment here feels open, unlike the caged-prison feel of the former home with little natural light and no balcony space.  I share a room with the kids so get a more intimate experience with them, getting those morning wake up calls and yells for tickles when they are supposed to be asleep at night.  We have a nice, big balcony to play on in the afternoons and evenings.  We have too many cabinets to keep our stuff in, instead of 2 bureaus we have to cram things in.  The hooks in our ceiling allow for us to hang the baby swing so my 3 littles are soaking up that fun sensory activity. We have an air conditioner, but even without it, the breeze here is so perfect that it makes the 100+ degree weather bearable.  This is a picture of my girls enjoying their new spacious home!

Because I moved with Grace Purple, because the past couple months took a lot out of me, and because these girls are some that are dearest to my heart, I'm still looking out for my other girls who currently remain at Grace Home, but I am primarily focusing on these 6 at Faith Home.  It's going to be a good way to end my time as Marla Mummy.   All of that is only made possible by the visit of my big girls' former foster mama and a few short term volunteers are coming to focus on those other two apartments.



So, if you have read this novella all the way to this point, you'll see that a lot has changed in my last year, and even the last week. But as my guy reminded me on an almost daily basis the last two months:

"God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him, who have been called accordingly to His purpose" --Romans 8:28.  Sometimes, it's been hard to see that. But it's all starting to come together and now I see some of why.  On a final note, I write all this not so that you know every little detail about my life, but so that you may know the goodness, the faithfulness, and a bit more about the incredible, illogical ways of God that have transformed my life this past year.  There's a lot more transformation to happen, but it's been pretty darn radical this year.