Leah

 
My newbie, Leah, is quite the character.

She's spunky and a total tease.  Leah loves to tickle and laugh and be goofy. By her second day in our home, I could take my morning break and hear the other girls laughing and running around like crazy--much, MUCH louder than they used to be.

She's independent and a leader.  She enjoys directing her sisters in play, but also can go on the balcony and play by herself for a solid hour without needing anyone else's interaction. We're working on teaching her she cannot run the house, and that toys are "hamare" (ours), not "tumhare" (hers).

Leah is creative and imaginative and very, very active.  She loves crafts, coloring, Playdoh, and stickers, and doesn't so much like sitting still and watching movies or reading books.  Leah builds walls of towers out of MegaBlocks and puts her dolly in the baby swing so she can swing her to "sleep."

She is starting to understand Telugu, but speaks only Hindi.  I can explain myself to her and she understands when I say I will return in two hours with new shoes or come back from Chennai in two days.  On the other hand, if I'm telling her to put something "upar" (up) on the top of something, she doesn't comprehend my meaning.  I was informed it's my American accent that is the problem... Six a.m. Hindi is also not my strong suit!

Leah is sensory seeking and loves learning, technology, and music.  She bobbed her head and her hands moved the whole time we were in an auto with some Tollywood music playing loudly on the speakers.  Even as I write this, she's staring at the pictures on my screen while listening to Bollywood on my earbuds.  My whole cot is shaking, she's moving so much while sitting "still" :)  Skype has become her favorite thing, and she thinks talking to the computer is great. (Side note, anytime a picture of a human is on my laptop screen, all my kids shout "Hiiiiiiiiiiii!" as they don't quite grasp the concept fully yet.)

She has some behaviors we're working on, too.  Like how we don't hit our blind sisters, and how no one likes someone else's fingers pushing on their eye sockets.  But she's improved drastically in just the week that she has been here, and I see great potential for her while she's living here.

Leah is attaching well, and seems to be quite familiar with how homes/families go.  She hasn't overeaten or eaten too quickly since she arrived, meaning that she's been well-fed for at least awhile.  She thought the overhead shower was the coolest thing ever the first night, and she begged to use the toothbrush the moment she saw it.  Leah knew how to call the workers at the bakery to get help, and seemed familiar with the whole waiter-customer relationship. (A tad too well, actually--we need to work on doing so with respect!)  She kisses me on the cheek, or pinches the little kids' cheeks to kiss them (they usually cry, as we're still working on learning how gently to push).  She's a good big sister and tries to comfort Chelsea when she's in time out and helps Angel swing "really high" in our living room.

Developmentally, Leah's a little behind at ten years old.  She colors mostly in the lines, she imitates well, her language seems a little disarticulated, and she comprehends "taking turns" in playing games. She separates by colors and even does the motions to English kids' songs with us. I have a feeling the delay might be more speech and behavior-related than an actual cognitive delay; given, I'm not exactly an expert on this area, but that's my prediction from what I've seen.

She's very much a typical girl:  loves her new dresses, and thinks her picture should be taken every time the camera is out.  Leah wants her hair done nicely, but then proceeds to make it a tragic wreck five minutes later from playing too hard.  She thought the beach was fabulous, and, just like all my other girls, thinks she needs her share every time I eat a mango.

Leah has definitely disrupted the "peacefulness" of my quiet little Faith Orange home, but she's livened it up in a beautiful way with her spunky and bright spirit.  And, the whole giving directions in Telugu, English, AND Hindi has made my mouth do a thousand tongue twisters.

But, we're so glad you're here, meri chhoti bahin.



Personal prayer request: I have a pinched nerve in my lumbar area, and it huuuuurts.  It also doesn't help that I occasionally have to lift my 12 year old with cerebral palsy, or that all of my littles want to be picked up and held when they're tearful.  Please pray for quick healing!

Six Plus One.

Thanks to our friend who gave us all the stamps and ink!

And now back to my life in India, rather than all about my personal life:

As mentioned before, Grace Purple (my original girls) and I have now moved into Faith Orange, and hence are no longer known by our former name.

We still think our new apartment is AMAZING.  The kids run around on the balcony from from 6-10 a.m. and 5-8 p.m., stopping only for breakfast, dinner, and the toilet.  Well, sometimes the toilet… The apartment has tons of light, the sleeping situation is much more desirable, and the kids actually roam around instead of mostly sitting on the floor of the living room.a  Since most people are thoroughly confused about who is where, here is a little bit about these 6 girls and how this move has affected them.

Chelsea, my littlest at three years old:  She’s become quite attached to her mama again, just like she was when I let her sleep with me during the transition of being littlest instead of the biggest sister. She’s learned to draw circles and horizontal/vertical lines. She’s almost potty-trained.   We are also a bit stubborn on that—but not too much.  She starts playschool in a couple of weeks, so has been working with a tutor all summer to prepare her, and can now say several nursery rhymes and some of her letters. Speech is Chelsea’s main issue as she has a repaired cleft lip and palate, but she’s improved drastically in the past few weeks.  With everything else, she’s running to catch up to her sisters! (And not too far behind, at that!)

Stephanie, age 13: I’ve realized how little attention I gave her before in a home with 20ish kids I was in charge of.  I’d still try to sing “Jesus Loves Me” with her a couple times a day, but now I am able to sit on the balcony with her at night and sing songs for an hour or so.  It’s basically like a 90’s worship CD with really bad vocals, but whatever J  She shares a tutor with the other girls from 10-5, and even though it’s school and not fun, she’s getting individual attention all during that time, which she needs.  Before or after school, I try to do one special activity with her, especially tactile ones like playdoh.  My favorite was yesterday, when I hooked her up with the Talking Tom app on the tablet.  She’s so soft spoken and typically gives one word answers.  She’s heard the other kids use the app before, but yesterday she finally initiated having a conversation with Tom, talking in complete sentences, so that she could hear Tom squeak them back to her in his helium-level voice. It was precious.

Heidi, age 4 ½:  This little chickadee is a new person, and has also become attached to me for the first time since I started working with them in August. Since her adenoid/tonsillectomy and hearing tubes, this kid has been laughing, smiling, babbling, and sleeping soundly daily. That’s not at all what I remember of Heidi from two months ago! She tells me full sentences about what is happening and might be trying to tell me unintelligible stories sometimes. It’s cute, and I’m so proud of her progress! For the last two or three days, she’s started repeating me.  I’d never even ask her to “say sorry” or “please” or “thank you” before because I knew she’d just put her head down, pout, and usually become antisocial for a minute or two. I still can’t exactly understand these new words she is learning, BUT she’s trying, and that’s what counts.  I praise her each and every time, and she just gives me this massive grin.

Paula, age 12:  My typical teenager and I share a room. This means she gets to sleep in and wake up at her leisure (well, for the most part).  The other kids mostly stay out of the room unless I’m feeling like a zombie and am trying to wish for another 2 minutes of sleep.  Having our own room also lets her stay up a little later than her 3 year old sisters, and get more privileges—like reading books or playing the tablet at night while I shower. She loves the ayah that came with us, and as we have cabinets instead of bureaus, she can access way more things in the house than she could previously. I like that my girl can feel a little more independent.  We also have a baby swing in our living room, and she gets to be my helper and get up on her knees to push the little girls in it. She spends a lot of her time out on the balcony, and even though she doesn’t run around it, I know she likes pulling herself up and looking over the edge, feeling the wind in her face.  She hasn’t had that in a long time.

Naomi, age 8?: Naomi just CHANGED with this move, and I have begun to view her as a “big sister” for the first time instead of a little one.  The windows in our cabinets allow her to see all the toys, and she asks for all the fun activities when she wants them. She’s my “TV helper,” helping me turn the switches on, put the DVD/CD in, etc.  But the thing I love the most is how open she’s become. I have only seen her sit to the side of the room when she’s in trouble here, whereas at the other apartment, 50% of the time she was off to the side, or always playing by herself.  Pretty much when we first walked into our new apartment, she lit up and ran around to see the new environment.  Naomi’s started spending close to 80-90% of her time interacting with the other kids or adults.  She loves pointing to her artwork on the wall. And she’s talking like crazy. Before, she’d occasionally have spurts where she’d talk a lot—but they didn’t last long. Here, she’s like a new kid.  Before, I could get her to repeat maybe 2 or 3 sentences after me.  Today, she repeated me word for word for no less than thirty minutes.  We just lied on the bed next to each other, her lips against my ear, telling me each word I said.  It started out simple with things like “I…. love…. You….so …..much,” but she continued even when the words got hard, “I ….am….gorgeous.” She stopped to laugh hysterically at me a few times, but never gave up on what I said.  Naomi also completed her first 4, 5, and 6 piece puzzles today!

Angel, clinging to mama begging to not
have to go back to tutoring class

Angel, age 4: Angel is also becoming more independent, and is finally getting some of the sensory input that she needs.  She could swing for hours in the baby swing if I let her. She runs up and down the balcony nonstop for ten minutes, about five times a day. She really loathes sitting in tutoring and thinks it’s very unfair when I’m sitting on the bed focusing on one of her sisters. BUT she has learned to draw circles and T’s and X’s.  And today, she wrote the letter ‘a’ for the very first time! (Given, she was just copying and following my step by step directions, but STILL! Haha, she has also not had one accident since moving here—WE ARE FULLY POTTY TRAINED!!! WOOT WOOT! I’m also noticing how ornery she is, and how all this space allows her to sneak off and be a little naughty.  She’s officially becoming the queen of time outs facing the corner! J

Being with just these six has also reminded me how important touch is.  We lie together in the mornings, we cuddle in the afternoons, usually two kids are in my arms during nap time, and as many as possible are touching me/in my lap/holding my hand/supporting themselves on my shoulder when we sit out on the balcony at night. It’s beautiful, and it’s important for them to know they are loved. They are really, truly loved. 

...Haha, and just as I was ready to post this, about how peaceful and wonderful life has been here, we get a new girl, about age 10. As of now, she doesn't have an online name, but I'll tell you a bit about her.  She's sensory seeking and I have a sense that the peace I was going to describe might be gone now :) BUT she's sweet and funny and definitely loveable, and we're going to have loads of fun, I can tell!  The tricky part-she only speaks Hindi.  I am the only person in my home who speaks Hindi. One would think that since I'm dating my former Hindi tutor, I'd be really good by now. But, well, my Hindi ain't so good. (Example A: while saree shopping in Delhi, I mixed Telugu in every sentence. Example B: my most popular Hindi sentence used in Delhi this March was "Sorry, Telugu aati hai, Hindi nahi aati kyunki mai Andhra Pradesh mein rehthi hun." Translation: Telugu is coming, Hindi's not coming because I live in AP.)  Sooooo, you can pray for God-given language intervention, aka the gift of tongues? So far, I have been able to successfully verbally communicate about bathing, eating, and sleeping, but at some point disciplining and you know...other things...will have to be communicated, too. 

Naomi was really excited to share her bed with someone her age tonight. I'm hoping the two of them will be able to hit it off and cause some mischief. Preferably after Carrie comes :)  But now, they look pretty darn precious facing each other while sleeping, positioned exactly the same way. Welcome, meri chhoti bahin.

What's in a Name?

A lot.
Because I no longer have to reread everything I write 20 times before posting to make sure his name wasn't accidentally mentioned.  Instead of selecting his name and replacing it with "my guy," I can now freely say that I am madly in love with the handsome Liban George.  And I haven't been able to be very sappy, so sorry if I ooze it for awhile.  Well, actually, it's more of a "sorry that I'm not sorry" kind of apology...

 If this were a fairytale, I'd say we met sometime last March and fell madly in love in the world's most romantic setting--which probably would not be his office, which doubles as a kitchen.  But that didn't happen.  The good news, I mean really good news, is that Liban was a kind enough soul to not make poor-grad-student-me pay for Hindi tutoring.  Partly because that would be super awkward to transition from me paying him each time we met to him covering dinner and cabs.  And partly because we talked more about life and faith and India and rarely spoke in Hindi :)

If this were a fairytale, he wouldn't have been sick in October when we met in Hyderabad.  He would have taken me out like he apparently planned to do, and I would have not had an 11 pm curfew.  I also would not have had to give him the world's most awkward quick hug in front of my Indian drivers when leaving with my bag of children's clothes and Reese's. Check that--if this were a fairytale, there would be no bag of children's clothes and Reese's, or bug-eyed mustached Indian men, and I would have at least arrived in a carriage, not an auto with a driver who didn't really know where he was going.

In a fairytale, the lovestruck individuals instantly know that the other person likes them.  Others of us just remain confused and contemplate with faraway best friends in facebook messages.

In fairytales, girls have fairy godmothers and servants and loving friends who ensure the girl looks stunning every time she sees her prince.  In our world, "pretty" means I only pulled a few baby lice out of my hair that day, sleep is in my eyes because I haven't even rolled out of bed yet, my hair is only curling away from my face in three directions simultaneously, and there is either a tearful/sleeping child on my lap while we have Skype--or there are twelve children/teenagers knocking at the door with "urgent" situations.

If this were a fairytale, I wouldn't be here in Ongole.  I'd have told my boss I loved her and my children, but that I was desperately, madly in love, and I couldn't be away from him any longer.  I'd have changed my flight destination in January from Bangkok to Springfield, would have packed my bags and thrown them in a cab, run past brown security guards to my plane--JUST making the flight.  I'd have landed in Springfield and run through the (one) hallway of the airport in slow-mo to jump into my man's arms and would therefore live happily ever after.  But, this isn't a fairytale.  Long distance relationships are really not fun, having "dates" via Skype with my electricity and internet cutting out after 20 minutes isn't fun, having hard conversations with a webcam that freezes and you can't see the other person's reaction is definitely not fun. But at least that chapter will end soon.

However, as un-fairytale-like as this is, it's pretty darn perfect.

Saying that he is "everything I could have wanted" is ridiculously cliche, but it's strangely so true, so I'm going to gush anyways.
Liban wants to adopt.  Let me repeat that:  he's not "just okay" with the idea of adopting. He WANTS to adopt. I never thought that I would meet someone like that.  We have similar views on and hopes for family.
He also wants to travel--and not in the "oh yeah, I hope to go to California and London and Paris and maybe Rome someday" kind of traveling; he is up for huts and rock-hard beds and villages and backpacking in addition to all those nice exotic beaches and waterfalls.  He wants to actually do something for people in need--not just talk about it or write checks.  He is also up for moving back to India someday.  (In case you don't know many Indians who live in America--that just doesn't happen much!)
Liban enjoys/can actually appreciate art.  He's sarcastic.  He makes me laugh like no one else can, and doesn't care if I'm a complete idiot for ten seconds in the middle of an otherwise serious conversation. He encourages me like no one else ever has, and he is consistently pushing me towards God, even though he's not perfect in that area either. He's willing to give up entire Saturdays to Skype me just because our daily, hour-or-two-long conversations aren't enough.  He has amazing eyes that tell his emotions without using words. And I can see in those eyes that he loves me.  A lot.

Whoops...kids need their mama, so maybe my gushing should stop? 

I'll leave you with this.  It's actually my favorite picture of the two of us. I'm weird, I know, but it's true.   Essentially, I'm just me--I'm just a girl from Missouri who is living in India and trying to pursue God's will.  And he's just a man from India living in Missouri trying to pursue God's will.  And we are not the most normal people you'll meet, but at least we can be weird together.  And our story is a little odd, but it's pretty darn perfect, and I wouldn't change a thing.  Oh, and it's officially public--so for those of you who know very little about Indian culture, know that that means this is pretty darn serious, regardless of what our faces here say :)

Our first actual date--flying from Delhi to Chennai.  

Changes and Reflections

This week last year, I was attending my Master's graduation ceremony at Mizzou, finishing up my last internship, studying for my OT board exam, and online job searching in about twenty different states. I was in the final stages of a relationship that was doomed before it began, I was planning on visiting India for 3 weeks after a nannying stint in Ethiopia, and I was surviving life as a fairly poor grad student who made a whopping total of $400 in 2013.  I felt young but excited and ready to try on the shoes of adulthood.

At my graduation dinner my grandma suggested I stay in India longer, since it was where my heart was. I thought she was nuts.  Who was this woman?  I told my mom she was nuts, too--I had very little spare money and not getting a job and hefty salary seemed stupid.  But, about a week later my heart and mind had changed and I realized God was transforming her as well as speaking through her.  So, I planned to come to India and stay for a year. BUT my parents weren't really expecting me to go back to America to stay, and I wasn't either.  Looking back, absolutely none of us knew what would happen in my life. So here's a nice long summary of reflections on all this--personal changes as well as changes with my girls at the very end:

Bekah (middle). I think  her wedding prediction was
just because she wanted to wear a fancy saree.

Love life:  The relationship that needed to stop was ended before I left America.  Obviously, we had a choice in the matter, but God did everything, I know.  I knew my heart was in a position that I probably wouldn't be able to date for 2-3 (or many more) years, and especially when I began planning to stay in Ongole longer, I KNEW there was no chance of that happening:  I laughed and said that the only way I'd probably live again in America would be if I fell and love and got married.  Then God intervened, and started to show me in September that there was someone who I respected deeply and could be pretty darn compatible with. I laughed again and told my mom that, yeah, if I ever were to date someone while living in Ongole, it would be him, but that obviously wasn't ever going to happen.  Fast forward to January, we began dating, pretty aware that this was the real deal.  Fast forward to now, his family is meeting mine in 3 days, and marriage-y things are in the works.  I love him, I thank God for him, and I am greatly looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him.  I would end this with a comment like "who could have seen this coming?!" but my best friend, Bekah (pictured above), told me I was going to marry him the first time she heard he existed, even though we were entirely platonic friends. I'm never going to live down laughing and saying "no way, Bekah!" :)

Finances:  I left for Africa/India before selling my car, without fundraising, trusting that God would provide.  And He has.  I didn't get my $50+k job I "deserve" as an OT, and yes, having no school debt helps, BUT I firmly believe God has just provided.  My parents bought my car from me as theirs came with tragic novels, and I've been able to use that money for my rent, living expenses, personal travels, and various things for my girls.  Being a wise steward of money is very important to me, and I kept ridiculous track of my spending for the first couple of months.  But then I started to realize that, at this time in my life, I didn't need to: God will provide, and if I continue spending wisely and prayerfully, there is always going to be more than enough.  It's held true. Realistically, with the money I came with and my expenses, I should have not been able to spend much on my girls.  I should be nearly broke by now.  Not "oh, I have a couple thousand left" broke, but really, truly "I have about $100 in my bank account in case anything goes wrong on my way back to America" broke.  But that's not the case.  Given, I haven't gone and bought whole new wardrobes for my children; I haven't taken them out to eat once a week; BUT all of their physical needs are met, most of their physical wants are met, and we do plenty of fun activities with what we have. AND when I go back to Missouri, I'll be able to buy my good, reliable car back from my parents without a rush.

Career:  I am a registered and licensed occupational therapist who has about 3 months of actual, real, OT experience--not exactly where I thought I would be on my career path.  However, by the time I leave, I will have 7 months' experience of parenting children with special needs.  THAT is pretty darn invaluable to have as an OT.  I have insight into the parenting and caregiving world that many of my classmates will not grasp.  This has been a very challenging year and at times has been frustrating because I don't feel like an actual "OT," but I am greatly blessed to have this insight for my future career.  I will have to work at getting back into OT-mode when I return to Springfield, but that's okay, and I look forward to entering the medical world again.

Parenting, in general:  To sum up my time as a parent in a sentence:  I've learned a lot about how God loves me, how God/love always perseveres, and, at times, how annoyed and exasperated God must be with me when I'm stubborn in my ways.  I have gone through the challenges of learning to be available whenever (even though there are times each day--and one day each week--during which I refer the children to their ayahs, because their ayahs are there and can put someone in time out just as well as I can).  I have learned to advocate for my children--for their best interests, for their medical treatments, for their safety and developmental growth.  I have learned how to love a child unconditionally, and I have learned that (especially with so many kids) there are some children that it is really, really hard to bond with, and that that's okay--it happens over time, and it can't be forced.  I've learned a lot of what not to do by doing, and I've learned a lot of what to do by doing. I've learned it is IMPOSSIBLE to shower without someone "urgently" needing their mama, that sitting down to eat a meal in one setting is not a real thing, and that over the next couple of years, I am going to soak up every morning I get to wake up via alarm rather than a toddler jumping on me, yelling in my face, or throwing a book at my pillow. I could probably also do another paragraph about parenting teens, but if you've had teenagers, you understand and don't need details.  For everyone else who will experience parenting teenagers, I'm sorry. And good luck :)

Parenting, fostering:  I was open to the idea of fostering when I agreed to come to SCH for round two.  It wasn't something I was particularly desiring, but I was open to it.  For "real life" though, I never considered fostering. I have always wanted to adopt a lot of children--but I didn't see how I could ever bring a child into my home and possibly have them leave.  I didn't see how my future adopted children could understand that they, too, wouldn't just have to pack up and go away at a moment's notice--or how I could love my foster children like I loved my adopted children.  Things have changed. Fostering is not easy, and it's really hard to be a foster mom to children who have already had a foster mom and have learned to expect/desire her way of doing things.  BUT it is good, and I've seen how even a short season of fostering brings positive changes into kids' lives.  My guy and I are open to the idea of bringing children into our home and loving them regardless of how long they get to stay.  I cannot predict the future, but I think we are expecting to foster long after we've passed the age limits for adoption.

Parenting, adoption: My baby girl, Angel, has her fourth birthday today.  I know the family who is pursuing her in adoption, I know I may not be her forever mummy one day, but I also know I love her with every ounce of my being.  I know that no matter what happens--whether adopted or always living at SCH, whether we ever get to meet again after saying goodbye in June--that she is my baby girl.  I have whispered promises in her ear to come after her if she is still around when we are eligible to adopt, to be there for her no matter where in the world she is, to love her no matter what, to pray for her regardless of when I last see her.  She is mine, and I am committed to being her Marla Mummy, or big sister, or fun aunt, or the person in all her pictures from age 3-4, or whatever I get to be; I am committed to her, as long as I'm here on earth.  And THAT is what I believe adoption is. It is what adoption has become to me after my time here, and I am of the mindset that legal adoption is a formality that allows quite a few more tangible blessings.  If my Angel gets another woman in her life who loves her just as much, it will be a joyful, yet bittersweet day to learn that, but at least she will grow up to know that there are two women in her life that would do anything for her.


And now the family update: 

I don't want to go into specifics, but things were really rough during March and April.  I'm not dwelling on it because it's over, and I praise God for that. Long story short, things have changed quite a bit.  I now have three children living in Hyderabad to improve their English skills and attend music classes; so that takes me from 22 to 19 children.

And two days ago, my Grace Purple girls (Paula, Stephanie, Naomi, Heidi, Angel, and Chelsea) and I moved to Faith Home and are now dubbed "Faith Orange."  It's an AMAZING change. The apartment here feels open, unlike the caged-prison feel of the former home with little natural light and no balcony space.  I share a room with the kids so get a more intimate experience with them, getting those morning wake up calls and yells for tickles when they are supposed to be asleep at night.  We have a nice, big balcony to play on in the afternoons and evenings.  We have too many cabinets to keep our stuff in, instead of 2 bureaus we have to cram things in.  The hooks in our ceiling allow for us to hang the baby swing so my 3 littles are soaking up that fun sensory activity. We have an air conditioner, but even without it, the breeze here is so perfect that it makes the 100+ degree weather bearable.  This is a picture of my girls enjoying their new spacious home!

Because I moved with Grace Purple, because the past couple months took a lot out of me, and because these girls are some that are dearest to my heart, I'm still looking out for my other girls who currently remain at Grace Home, but I am primarily focusing on these 6 at Faith Home.  It's going to be a good way to end my time as Marla Mummy.   All of that is only made possible by the visit of my big girls' former foster mama and a few short term volunteers are coming to focus on those other two apartments.



So, if you have read this novella all the way to this point, you'll see that a lot has changed in my last year, and even the last week. But as my guy reminded me on an almost daily basis the last two months:

"God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him, who have been called accordingly to His purpose" --Romans 8:28.  Sometimes, it's been hard to see that. But it's all starting to come together and now I see some of why.  On a final note, I write all this not so that you know every little detail about my life, but so that you may know the goodness, the faithfulness, and a bit more about the incredible, illogical ways of God that have transformed my life this past year.  There's a lot more transformation to happen, but it's been pretty darn radical this year.