Paula and Our Newest Addition

Paula is one of my original eight, and I’m very glad we had that time to get to know each other a little better before I got so spread out.  At 12 years old, Paula is just what you would expect from someone at her age: she teases frequently, she pretends to hate bedtime kisses, and as much as she loves building with MegaBlocks and coloring—no activity is better than getting to play on the computer or tablet.

I know the whole “Love Language” book is pretty common.  I only know what people tell me because I’m too lazy/uninterested to go read or learn more about it myself.  But I know that Paula’s love language is the one that has to do with “big things.” While she won’t always pull away from me if I sit on the floor near her, it’s more common than not; unless, I have done something special for her and/or her sisters.  If I have given someone a gift, if we have had birthday cake, if we shared a pint of ice cream with 25 people, if I turned on a Telugu movie, etc., then she is one heck of a cuddlebug almost instantly.  Her size combined with her cerebral palsy doesn’t exactly make the cuddling position as easy to get into,  but it’s way worth it after we’ve adjusted 20 times to make it happen.

Since I’ve been in Ongole, Paula has gotten around the house pretty much on her own. She learned how to crawl up and down the stairs, and does well at that unless her blind sisters come charging down at full speed when she’s in the middle.  She crawls/wiggles through the apartment, chases the ayahs on occasion when doing so, and can independently pull herself up onto the bed or couch—although it takes a minute or so.

Paula’s world has recently been rocked though; because of YOU, Paula has a wheelchair now, and it’s GOOD. Real good! This girl’s muscles are ridiculous, and although she still needs some practice, by her second attempt, she could pull herself up from the floor and turn around to sit in the chair properly.  All I had to do was tell her where to put her hands to make the turning around possible without pinching her fingers.  Driving is another challenge.  She thinks my obstacle courses are silly since—well, since she’s 12, and I’m her mom. 

I was upstairs for her first meal in the chair, and when I came down at the end of the meal she was in tears and looked miserable.  After asking what was wrong, the nurse told me that Paula wanted to sit on the floor and eat with her sisters.  I let them know she could sit wherever she wanted to eat—it was up to her. Since then, she typically chooses to eat while in the chair, and she thinks it’s funny to wheel around and barely miss her little sister’s toes.  We both love the laptray as it makes her feel secure and gives her opportunity to do fine motor activities with both hands, whereas before she would be using one hand to support her balance almost at all times.

By the end of this week, I am hoping to take Paula to a performance/function at her school and to go to school with her for an entire day. I want her to see that her wheelchair is so much more than just another way to get around the house, which she was already doing.  So, to sum this all up: thank you to everyone, for your prayers as well as your financial support and individual fundraising to make this happen.

You also funded Jessie’s chair, which is in the next batch coming, and some of you also contributed to Sam’s chair, which was fully funded as of today.  Thank you so much!

One Little, Two Little, Three Little Indians

Are you ready to meet more precious beauties of Grace Blue?

The first: Jackie!

If you know this little spunky ball of fire, you’d know it seems almost impossible to explain her using only the written word and no facial expressions or videos. I’ll attempt my summary of this adorable five year old:

Jackie loves attention. Jackie loves being THE center of attention. Jackie loves yelling “HIIIII!” and waving with her one-fingered hand to everyone we pass when we take auto rides. (Jackie makes the policemen who stand at the intersections roll their eyes or chuckle.)  Jackie wants one of the following at all times: 1) dance music, 2) movies, or 3) exploring new things.  She’s also a cuddle bug, and aspires to do everything independently.  Every day, right after school, she runs up to my room and says, “Marla Mommy! Marla Mommy! Walk!” And sometimes, we go on a walk—me (the tall attention-attracting white lady) holding the elbow of my little munchkin with limb differences as she bops her head and walks in this funny, carefree, side-to-side leaning way.

Zinnia & Esther

I almost don’t know how to write about Zinnia without also including Esther.  Why? Well, these cutie pies seem to be attached at the hip.  If one knocks at my door, saying “Marla Mummy, Marla Mummy, Marla Mummy” (Yes, it is reminiscent of Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory), the other comes and helps out with the knocking and yelling.  If one is filling the bedroom with water, so is the other one. If one is in time-out, the other one just probably lucked out and didn’t get caught!  

Esther has cerebral palsy,which physically only affects her left arm, and can just see the mischief in her eyes and grin. Zinnia has hand and feet differences, which affects her dexterity on occasion, but is primarily the sweet, thumb-sucking baby doll of the Grace Blue--when Esther doesn't have her involved in some sort of trouble!  They go to playschool with Heidi and Angel, and it's a total pain to try to keep them and Jackie sitting still during their tutoring time after school!  These two love being in things they shouldn't be in, playing with dolls, and any form of surprise or love. Actually, as I write this, Zinnia and her big brown eyes are in timeout for ripping the kiddie pool. 

Would you consider helping these little Indian girls transform their mostly empty apartment into a home? We are currently in need of funds for furniture, a TV &  DVD player (CD players are not in existence here anymore), a tricycle, and a small bicycle with training wheels!  If you are able and willing to help, please donate through this link! http://tinyurl.com/MarlasDaughters

Thanks!
 

The Other Side of the Forever Families

**First off, sorry Paypal wasn't working, if you tried to donate.  Here are two new, self-naming links for you**
http://tinyurl.com/MarlasDaughters
http://tinyurl.com/HelpMarlaPayRent

I love adoption.
(If you didn't figure that out by now.)

When I was ten I decided that I was going to adopt at least four kids--each of a different race, because, well, the world's skin colors are just beautiful.  Fast forward to today, and a particular someone now realizes that when I say there is an adoption fund in our future that-will-not-be-touched-for-any-other-purpose-other-than-getting-me-a-toddler-or-preschooler-in-my-arms, I'm not kidding.  As for the number of adoptions in my future, well, we'll see what God does about that, because I also thought I'd never foster; yet, here I am. 

Since middle school, I've watched several families from church or school go out and adopt beautiful babies or toddlers.  And I love it.  If you want to see me cry, put a "Gotcha Day" video up on Youtube; 100 out of 100 times, I'll be a happy but teary mess.

But today, I got to see things from the other side of the "forever family."  I mean, yes, I live with these children while they are orphans, but today was different.

I'm not going to name names or give any specific details, but I do want to tell you that today one of my daughters received a photo album from her forever family.  On each page was a description of the people and things in the pictures.  Another foster mom, Hannah, and I oohed and ahhed over it in the office.  I had goosebumps, knowing that this family is exactly what this child needs.

And then I got the privilege of sitting this child down on the couch, telling her I had a surprise for her, and videoing her opening her gift and seeing her family for the first time.   Initially, she opened the book and stared, not really sure what was going on.  I said, "Baby, this is your family! This is your mommy and daddy!"

She looked up at me with wide eyes.  And what was in her eyes?  Fear.  Nervousness.  It wasn't that she didn't like the people in the picture.  It wasn't that she hadn't known about them before.  But being able to see them made things very, very real for her.

I knew at that moment, it sunk in that she would be leaving all these sisters, the only life she had known for a long time, to go somewhere very different, to be with people who were unlike anything she'd ever known.

Oh, baby.

I read the whole book to her as she flipped quickly through it.  She finished, shut it quickly and looked at me with those eyes, seeking comfort. I was extra positive and trying to show how excited I was for her, trying to ease those fears.

We went through the book again at my prompting.  With one of her mother-y sisters, we discussed how pretty and fun the people looked in it. We talked about what things she would like to do with them.

We looked at the pictures of her home.  I showed her that she could put her underwear in this drawer, her socks in this one, her shirts in that one, her dresses here--or maybe her toys!  I pointed out the space for coloring books in her desk, the drawer for pencils and crayons.  We all fell in love with the enormous dollhouse, and she decided she would color and play the Snake game (Snakes/Chutes and Ladders) on the table in the living room.

After a few minutes, she decided that the people in the pictures would be fun, that she would enjoy them.  That she wanted to go to the beach and park with her mom.  That she liked this dog, but that that dog looked mean.  She also picked out her favorite family member :)

Knowing what I would want if I were the forever mom, we then sat down and wrote a letter to her forever family.  We wrote about the things she liked from the book--like playing in the snow and drinking hot chocolate, the Indian food and the cute dog, and of course, that dollhouse.

We wrote about what she wanted to do with them, like playing the Snake game with Daddy and eating the stick candy.  She wants a green bicycle but still wanted them to know that red is her favorite color.

 I am privileged.  I am privileged and blessed to be able to see this side of adoption, this side of the forever family.  I am blessed to better understand my future children when they are first introduced to this concept that this white woman and (very handsome) Indian man are now going to be in their lives forever.  I am blessed to hopefully give at least one of my daughters away to their forever mommies and daddies before I leave in June.  I am blessed to be able to go back to America and visit those daughters again, if given permission to do so. 

But, do you know what makes me feel most blessed about this whole thing?  I am blessed to see that my daughters, my family, are so tight knit, that it hurts them to think about leaving. How many orphans can say that?

When we read and flipped through the book, my daughter's smile didn't appear until we looked at one picture for the second time.  It was picture of the home office area.  Specifically, of the computer/desk workspace next to the kitchen.  She pointed to the computer and I asked her if she thought she would type as fast as me someday.  She said yes.  I asked if she would play games on the computer, and she said yes.  Then she said something that grabbed my heart: "Talking?"

Yes, baby.  You can talk.  You can Skype your sisters, and you can talk with them as often as you want, when your mommy and daddy say it's okay. You can talk, baby.  You can call me, you can call Jenny sister, you can talk to Haley sister. You can talk, baby.

She looked up at me, searching my eyes to make sure I was telling the truth. Then, that little smile appeared, and she stared at that computer before flipping through the rest of the book a third time.

We're waiting for you, forever family.

Krpaya? Por favor?

First of all, remember how my home went from eight kids to 20, and now to 21? Well, it has been good, and I have no idea how I felt inadequate as a mom with only eight when I look at my life now!  I had 12 kids in my top apartment, and 8 (then 9) kids in my downstairs apartment.  The problem? That is a LOT of kids in either apartment.  Especially when the kids are all the kind that run around, get into everything, need to be entertained with dance parties or puzzles or play kitchen sets all day, beg for bike rides and walks, etc.  I was also continually shorted on staff.  I think the office saw as "well, you have one ayah in each apartment at least," forgetting that I had 8 or 12 kids in a single apartment, and that one poor ayah was in charge of them ALL.

So, we changed things around this week!  Now, we have moved and adjusted things in the building so I have 3 different apartments for all my schoolgirls:

Grace Purple, on the first floor, has Paula, Stephanie, & Naomi as the bigs, and Heidi, Angel, and Chelsea, my 3 littlest.  These girls are probably going to be the easiest bunch of all as the bigger ones are the easiest to entertain, and the littles just haven't picked up on too many bad habits from the older kids. The first three I mentioned tend to not get as much attention from volunteers, so I'm really excited to have them be in a home where there's less competition, and less craziness.  Also--PAULA IS GETTING HER WHEELCHAIR THIS COMING WEEK!!!! :D

Grace Blue, on the second floor, has Victoria, Genevieve, Esther, Zinnia, Jackie, Rebekah, & Jeanette.  Spunky, energetic, ornery, and adorable are probably the words I'd use to describe this home. Haha, Lord, bless those ayahs! Really though, I have been amazed at just how well these girls have gotten along with each other and how well behaved they have been since they moved.  Always the last ones ready for school, their ayahs have some sort of God-given ability to have the last one bathed & dressed AND no school shoes lost by 7 a.m.  Miracles do happen.

Grace Yellow has all of the other "bigs," who have been together in a foster home setting for 2+ years:  Nora, Honor, Hannah, Alesa, Rachel, Phoebe, Stacy, and Christina.  The change happened FAST for these girls.  Not only does their apartment seem a thousand times bigger with 3 beds removed, but I never realized how much they had had to play a mothering role.  Now, these teens and preteens get to actually act their ages, get to be kids.  They aren't trying to keep the littles from losing things or breaking things or tying their pillowcase dresses for the 43rd time--they just get to enjoy life.  I love just sitting on the couch with them at the end of the night, listening to music, dancing with them, watching them act like they're six again and just spin in circles for ten minutes at a time until they get dizzy enough to fall over. 

The apartment changes have made being a mom way easier, and it's nice to not feel overwhelmed by walking into the apartments.  The kids are all with their best friends for the most part, so they're happy, and I'm happy.  However, the apartments look a little empty since we've moved furniture around.  Would you help us furnish them a little better and make them seem like a home?

Here's a bit of a breakdown of what I'd like to get:
-Couches/loveseats for Purple (1), Blue (2), and Yellow (1)
-TV/DVD players for Purple & Blue
-A simple table and chairs set for Yellow
-A picnic table or other outdoor-durable set of table and chairs for the roof.  We have a section of the roof that is covered by an awning, where 3 of my kids have school all day, and where the others have tutoring in the evenings.
-An inverter (aka generator) for Blue.  Starting next month, temps are going to be rising like crazy, and this summer is supposed to be especially brutal (read: 110-115+*F).  We have doable scheduled power cuts, and lovely unscheduled power cuts in our fun little town.  Will you please help us be able to keep the fans on in the sweltering heat during those power cuts?
-A second, bigger, kiddie pool that my non-toddlers could maybe fit in.  (See above information about sweltering heat, and roof.)


My goal is to raise $1000, and I have faith that that's not going to be hard to do.  Anything that is left over after furnishing the apartments, and any money over this $1k goal will go towards these items:

-A tricycle for my 5 littles (cost $10, already purchased, as I'm trying to get them more active even if it's just riding around the roof.)
-A medium-sized bicycle with training wheels for my 6 kids aged 7-10. (We don't have yards here in India, but I want my kids to be able to get out of the house.  I already purchased this for $50 because the weather is just too gorgeous to pass up, and their month long summer vacation in May is coming up quickly!)  When they're pretty good at it, they can ride through the neighborhood or around the schoolyard with their big sisters who already have bikes.
-A trip to the Passion conference in Hyderabad for 6 of my big girls, escorted by myself and one of their teachers.  I want them to experience worship in a whole new way, and with my blind girls' love for music, I can't think of a better gift for them!  Also, I won't mind being able to experience English worship with the other volunteers! The tickets range from about $2-18 each, so the main cost will be transportation and food/activities while we're in the city.
-Summer trips.  (Did I mention that May is coming up?)  You think you have it bad when your THREE children are home with their big yards, swimming pools, swingsets, free parks and libraries, Wii, iPads, etc. all summer long? PLEASE have pity on me.  PLEASE, please, please, help me take my kids to the beach (about 20 minutes away). Please help me take my littles to the waterpark one day. Please help me pay for the 100 times I have to go to the bikeshop to fix the handlebars and training wheels on the bikes as my kids have very terrible balance skills :)
-Air conditioners for each apartment.  Necessity? No, but I may be the only American who feels this way while living in Andhra Pradesh! My kids are Indian and have grown up Indian, and they will be fine without an air conditioner.  HOWEVER, I'll let you imagine living in 115 degree temperatures for about 3 seconds, and then you'll realize a/c's aren't such exactly a waste of money here.

If you are able to donate, please do.  This link is through SCH so is tax-deductible for you!  http://tinyurl.com/MarlasDaughters

And, since some of you have asked how you can help with my personal expenses, here is a Paypal link, if you would like to help with that.  My rent from Feb-June is $750, so I wouldn't mind if that were covered, keeping me a little less out of debt when I come home and have to be responsible and buy back my car and all that stuff again.
http://tinyurl.com/HelpMarlaPayRent

A New Kind of Mommy

I had written a post that was intended to introduce my newest and youngest daughter, Chelsea.  I had typed it up in Thailand and was prepared to copy and paste it from my tablet when she moved in.
But things changed, and you're not going to read that post.

See, Chelsea is mostly the same.  She is still the beautiful 2 year old who is my princess. When I was just "Aunt Marla" living in the penthouse above Chelsea's former foster apartment, I knew this little cutie pie could be a stinker, I knew she is smart, and I knew she also deserved the title of being a princess from her little attitude!

 Chelsea moved in with the school girls because, come June, she will begin playschool, and we figured it was easier to do the transitions in steps. While my other littles are gone at least until lunchtime, Chelsea is my shadow the whole morning.  It's fun and cute, but the transition has been a little weary on us both:  the first two days she spent a total of 20 minutes being more than 2 feet away from me.  The next day, she started to become a little more used to having big sisters (and so many of them!) and even sat on my ayah's lap.  Now, I'm finally able to leave the room and house without her crying (usually), but then nighttime comes and she clings to me relentlessly.

Most of this was expected, but what changed was me:  Although Angel is "my baby girl" and I have other kids I feel especially close to, Chelsea's presence has given me a new sense of motherhood.  See, for 3 more months, until summer vacation in May, Chelsea is going to have the closest thing to a normal childhood that maybe any of our kids have ever had.  Even if just for four hours a day where she is the only kiddo needing my attention, the only helper who takes things to the dustbin, the only one needing to play with puzzles and chalk while I do my quiet time on the roof--it's going to change us both. She gets so excited when I come in the room and "yells" when I walk too fast to the kitchen.  She plays in the kiddie pool while I wash my laundry on the roof.  She "helps" me with all my chores and makes sure she gets a bit of my breakfast. We work on speech every day (she was born with cleft lip and palate), we have cuddle time from 6:30-7 a.m., we try to take a nap in the afternoon together.

Because she's sleeping with me until she better adjusts to this new home and being around so many big kids, Chelsea is my own personal teddy bear.  But even before I go to bed, when she's sleeping at the foot of my bed while I'm online, she will wrap her little fingers around my big toe or turn my ankle into a pillow.  It's adorable, I admit I love her attachment and cuddles, and of course, this will all probably decrease when she begins sleeping downstairs with her sisters.

Although I'm definitely getting "mom" experience out of fostering 21 girls, my few days with Chelsea have already taken it to a whole new level.  It is actually quite pleasing to be the sole caregiver for my toddler as she follows me around the building in the mornings.  It's quite nice to change diapers (soon to be potty training), get breakfast, help her brush her teeth, etc. all by myself--without my ayahs thinking that I shouldn't because it's their responsibility.  I mean, they still probably do think it's their responsibility and hate that I do it, but, well, I don't need a toddler and a middle aged woman following me around the house for 4 hours a day!

So, welcome, baby girl, to my crazy home. 

Tres Mas

 So, I usually talk about the connections I have with my kids. But what I tend to not mention is the struggles I have connecting with some kids. Maybe I fear that I will be judged if I say I do not love all my daughters the same. I still love each and every one, but some more and very differently than others. Similarly, although I enjoy being around each of them, I enjoy the company of some more than others. I feared that admitting that makes me a bad mom. But I don't think it does; instead, I think it makes me a better mom because it makes me pray more for them, for us.

So, this is a blog about a few of these kids.


The first is Rebekah: Rebekah loves to be taken out of the house, to be shown new things. I love this, and I love taking her on walks--except that she will scream and cry when it's time to go back into the house. Every. Stinking. Time. Rebekah strongly desires to be accepted. She imitates all of her sisters and myself. (Actually, side note here: one of the older girls informed me that all my original 8 act like me now!) I have always been very independent and so struggle with watching Rebekah try to fit in. Over the months, she has learned to slowly and gradually be her own person, and I have enjoyed watching that transformation. I love her, but it's taken me some time to learn to enjoy her or love her so much. But God has clearly informed me that she needs love, too. The fact that her online name is the same as my best friend's is a reminder in itself to love her; but my first real connection with her was when my guy told me he sponsored her. Suddenly, Rebekah became not just one of my 8, but in my mind, became "his girl" and consequently someone very special to me; I had just needed the reminder that she was special, too.

Alesa (pictured in middle) and Rachel are other challenges for me. Both are teenagers, and, well.... I am 22, and my time fostering has made it very clear that I am not cut out to work with anyone in the stages of puberty. Alesa is a funny, quirky kid, and teaching anyone to ride a bike with training wheels has never been more difficult or funny. A few weeks back, I burned some of my Bollywood tunes onto a CD, and Alesa could dance to it all day long if I could tolerate listening to “Sheila Ki Jawani” and “Teri Meri” that long. She will come to my door at least thrice a day and say with a huge grin, "Yescuse me, sister!" before she asks to turn the music on or volume up.


Rachel... whew, Rachel. She's a toughie for me. She recently had her left leg amputated, and I got to be the mean therapist who brings tears as I enforce her exercises. Rachel has built a wall around herself to try to keep from getting hurt, and her smiley, careless, and perpetually teasing attitude keeps me from getting to know her, from getting too close. It's hard for me to interact with her anyway, as she avoids my conversation and affection, but having primarily "mean mom" interactions to keep her leg healthy is pretty rough on our relationship.  Currently, she’s in Hyderabad hopefully receiving her new prosthetic leg! Here's a pic I stole from another volunteer of Rachel with the new babies in our new Hyderabad home! I think it's adorable. :)

So, any and all prayers for my relationships with these girls are appreciated. Moreso, please pray that the next foster mom(s) who come(s) through may have a heart that is especially drawn to Alesa and Rachel.