Waiting.

Today, I had a PB&J sandwich for lunch and mac & cheese for dinner, so I'm definitely revisiting my American child side.  In about a month I'll be having dosa-withdrawals but this "honeymoon period" of being stateside isn't so bad.

I expected it would be hard to be here, but I've handled it much better than expected.  I guess this time coming back from India was different because I KNOW I'm going back, and I know it will be in the near future.

I expected harder adjustment to the weather, but even that hasn't been so bad.  Given, I've only had to scrape ice off my car one morning this week, but the use of space heaters and wearing a ski cap indoors has kept me from shivering.  Two winters ago, I'd be near tears for having to pump gas in the biting wind while my fingers remained numb inside my gloves; but this year, I just grit my teeth and move as fast as I can to get into the building.

I was a little nervous to start my contract job:  it's my first time as a travel therapist which means I'm more likely to blunder as I figure it all out.  Surprisingly, I found I missed the chaotic school schedules and crammed-in travel from site-to-site; it was my norm in Monett.  The staff and kids have been wonderful and I feel like I fit quite comfortably.  It wasn't a hard adjustment at all.

The hard part has been waiting.  I felt "ready" to parent via adoption when I was around 19.  Later that year, I went to Morocco to stay with Kendra for a few weeks after she had her second kiddo.  Sofia was only 19 days old when I got there, but after three weeks of her fairly constant screaming, and with 18 month old Samuel refusing to eat unless I sang to him the entire meal, I realized that I could hold off on that for a bit...

When you have no rocking chair, you substitute.

Then came being head over heels for "Angel" in Ongole which later led to my unintentional becoming a foster mom in India--to more kids than I'd bargained for!  By that time, there was no denying I loved being "Marla Mummy" and would like to do it forever.  But laws are laws, and I did not qualify to legally adopt.

From the day we got engaged, I'd hoped to be able to file for adoption ON our second anniversary.  But circumstances are such that we are still waiting, so instead we celebrated that day in rural Japan.  

It is better that we wait, but also difficult.

I want to be on Pinterest and decorating our daughter's bedroom.  I want to be able to walk through the baby/toddler section at stores without a stern look and "not yet" from Liban.  I want to be going through the long, drawn out paperwork process with the hope that "any day now," we may learn the beginnings of who she is through a file and a photo.

But it's not time yet.  It's difficult to wait, but it's better that we wait.  I don't really know why right now, but I trust in Him and His timing.

While we wait, I'm glad I get to celebrate with others.  At least two other former SCH foster mamas have just begun the process of adopting from India.  One current foster mama was matched today with a child she's already fostering there.  Seven of my 22 foster daughters have been adopted in less than 3 years--hopefully more soon. The Indian adoption law in itself has now changed so that a child should be home with the parents within 30-40 days of the initial matching (for domestic adoption).  India is also now letting single parents adopt starting at age 25 rather than 30.  Foster care laws have been initiated, and at least one Indian state's foster care system has been put into effect.

Big things are happening in the India adoption community.  God is changing hearts and government officials are modifying the entire system for the greater good of both the children and the families.  He's preparing something and some little one(s?) for us, and we are waiting eagerly, and sometimes impatiently, for whatever is in store.

Back to Missouri, For Now

Chennai's average temperature so far in 2017 has been around 77*F, and the lowest temperature has been 68.  Yet I fall asleep under a sheet and Grandma's afghan every night and wake up to Liban stealing one or both in his sleep.  We are doomed as we return to Missouri Wednesday, and I may have to hold back tears as I disembark the plane into non-flip-flop-wearing weather.  Two or three days later, our welcome may be further delighted with yucky Missouri wintry slush and ice, so it should not be surprising that we had a little more excitement flying to Thailand this time last month!

I've accepted a 3 month contract as an OT for a hospital/clinic in West Plains, but my main responsibilities will be at an elementary school.  (Essentially, it's my old job in a new place!)  I love that my new job, however temporary, will allow me to extend the length of assignment if necessary, have weekends off with Liban, and most of all, get to do what I love by helping kids become more independent.  

God continues to show His faithfulness:  The job is a perfect fit for me, and He's also given us the perfect housing situation as a lady in West Plains is letting us rent one of her five bedrooms on a monthly basis.  Before house-hunting, we were a little concerned if small-town Missouri racism might be an obstacle in us finding an apartment, but it just so happens that our landlady is married to a man from Saudi Arabia.  I think God was laughing at us and saying, "Still surprised I got this?" and that makes trusting in Him providing a job for Liban a little easier. 

As much as I despise the cold, I am grateful to be able to spend more time with my family, especially my grandparents, before our "permanent" move to Chennai.  I also know that this time in Missouri is the final step (or staircase, rather) we have to complete before we can FINALLY BEGIN the adoption process.  And I am so, so, so ready to jump into that unknown, as seen by the cupboards in our guest room!