Diya and I head to Missouri in only 20 days. By the time we get there, it will have been only a week shy of 4 months of being away from Liban. This time apart hasn't been fun, but while I'm glad that we finally get to be a family of 3 again, part of my heart will still be here.
This is a tricky thing to explain, but here goes:
I loved my girls in Ongole and left a massive chunk of my heart with them when I left in 2014. I lived with those girls, I didn't have a return ticket back to them, and unfortunately, due to circumstances, I will probably never see most of them again.
Chennai is different though. I don't live with the kids, but instead take a shared cab 45-90 minutes to be with them. I spend an average of 25 minutes a day with each of them, sometimes individually, sometimes in pairs, and sometimes in a group. I don't know all the intricacies of their personalities or what makes them giggle endlessly. But I do know that they need love and, most of all, they need to know Love.
In Ongole, a slew of volunteers came after me, most if not all professing faith in Him. But with my kids in Chennai, there's a very real chance that me and one other staff member may be the only chances for that introduction. The organization I work for has its roots, its name, its ideologies firmly based in Hinduism. It's not in name only: it's present in the yoga class and morning prayers before school, in the posters displayed, in administration meetings. It's very real. At times, it's almost tangible.
Ideally, do I want to be a part of an organization with these intentions? Not exactly. But God has planted me here, and I am beginning to see why.
My students come from various backgrounds, but they either live in the children's home (for a variety of reasons) or they live in the slum that neighbors our school. All come from either low income families or simply do not have *known* families. The home's caregivers do their best, but institutional care does not allow these children to experience love and affection the way they deserve.
So, while I use our occupational therapy class to address their coordination, problem-solving, and visual perceptual difficulties, I also just get to love on them. In our 20-30 minutes of one-on-one time, I don't get to share stories from the Word or speak Truth. But I get to speak love. I get to say "sorry" when I've been wrong and cheer them on when they do well. I cannot give hugs but I can pat their backs and make eye contact with smiling. I cannot kiss their cheeks, but I can pinch them and then kiss my fingers.
Relationally, I have come a long way with a few students. Several of them have my heart wrapped around their fingers, and others have allowed me into theirs as well. One or more of these students may be transferred to a different facility out of circumstantial necessity while I'm gone.
Health-wise, HA! Chickenpox, laryngitis, food poisoning, stomach viruses, conjuctivitis, boils (please Lord, not staph again), headaches, and lots and lots of colds. Let's just sum it up with the hope that our time in America allows Diya and I to build our immune systems back up for our next few months here!
Academically, we have leaped over mountains. One little man that I LOVE to brag on has learned addition, subtraction, and (parts of ) multiplication--all within the last 2 months. All he needed was someone to let him MOVE during his learning, and I am comfortable providing that since I also have an inability to sit still on a wooden bench for 3 hours at a time.
Linguistically, I'vegiven up taken a break. My studies are paused, but I spend 80% of my days at school saying things like "neenga enna seireenga?" (What are you doing?) "un OT time yeppo?" (When is your OT time?) "Vaaaahhhh! Ippo onnuh money!?" (Woowwwww, it's 1:00 right now?) Then in English: That's funny, my watch says it's only 10:30 a.m. "Ippo classuhkuh ponga" (Go to class now.) The rest of what I say is mostly some non-fully-comprehensible version of English and Tamil with Hindi prepositions. Which no adult understands, but my students have thankfully managed to (mostly) get.
Spiritually, there is a war to be fought. God is present, and He has intervened on my behalf in a very literal way. But from my perspective on this path He's paving, there seems to be several stepping stones that could potentially be leading to a long term commitment to this organization, potentially to a position of leadership. If (and this is a big IF because my husband is living across the world, currently) this is what God has in store, I believe that 1- it will get even tougher spiritually and 2- God could/can/will do big, BIG things here.
So, while I am in Missouri and hope to be as "present" as possible, know this is why my heart will also still very much be in Chennai.
This is a tricky thing to explain, but here goes:
I loved my girls in Ongole and left a massive chunk of my heart with them when I left in 2014. I lived with those girls, I didn't have a return ticket back to them, and unfortunately, due to circumstances, I will probably never see most of them again.
Chennai is different though. I don't live with the kids, but instead take a shared cab 45-90 minutes to be with them. I spend an average of 25 minutes a day with each of them, sometimes individually, sometimes in pairs, and sometimes in a group. I don't know all the intricacies of their personalities or what makes them giggle endlessly. But I do know that they need love and, most of all, they need to know Love.
In Ongole, a slew of volunteers came after me, most if not all professing faith in Him. But with my kids in Chennai, there's a very real chance that me and one other staff member may be the only chances for that introduction. The organization I work for has its roots, its name, its ideologies firmly based in Hinduism. It's not in name only: it's present in the yoga class and morning prayers before school, in the posters displayed, in administration meetings. It's very real. At times, it's almost tangible.
Ideally, do I want to be a part of an organization with these intentions? Not exactly. But God has planted me here, and I am beginning to see why.
My students come from various backgrounds, but they either live in the children's home (for a variety of reasons) or they live in the slum that neighbors our school. All come from either low income families or simply do not have *known* families. The home's caregivers do their best, but institutional care does not allow these children to experience love and affection the way they deserve.
So, while I use our occupational therapy class to address their coordination, problem-solving, and visual perceptual difficulties, I also just get to love on them. In our 20-30 minutes of one-on-one time, I don't get to share stories from the Word or speak Truth. But I get to speak love. I get to say "sorry" when I've been wrong and cheer them on when they do well. I cannot give hugs but I can pat their backs and make eye contact with smiling. I cannot kiss their cheeks, but I can pinch them and then kiss my fingers.
Relationally, I have come a long way with a few students. Several of them have my heart wrapped around their fingers, and others have allowed me into theirs as well. One or more of these students may be transferred to a different facility out of circumstantial necessity while I'm gone.
Health-wise, HA! Chickenpox, laryngitis, food poisoning, stomach viruses, conjuctivitis, boils (please Lord, not staph again), headaches, and lots and lots of colds. Let's just sum it up with the hope that our time in America allows Diya and I to build our immune systems back up for our next few months here!
Academically, we have leaped over mountains. One little man that I LOVE to brag on has learned addition, subtraction, and (parts of ) multiplication--all within the last 2 months. All he needed was someone to let him MOVE during his learning, and I am comfortable providing that since I also have an inability to sit still on a wooden bench for 3 hours at a time.
Linguistically, I've
Spiritually, there is a war to be fought. God is present, and He has intervened on my behalf in a very literal way. But from my perspective on this path He's paving, there seems to be several stepping stones that could potentially be leading to a long term commitment to this organization, potentially to a position of leadership. If (and this is a big IF because my husband is living across the world, currently) this is what God has in store, I believe that 1- it will get even tougher spiritually and 2- God could/can/will do big, BIG things here.
So, while I am in Missouri and hope to be as "present" as possible, know this is why my heart will also still very much be in Chennai.
